An apology is a beautiful thing, especially when it’s given to me. But ask me to apologize and I’m just sorry you’re such a sensitive person that what happened hurt you. And I’m sorry you think I did something wrong. My apology is all about you, not about me, because frankly, I don’t do anything wrong.

In our latest release, Over It: Letting God Get You Past Life’s Hurts, Michael and I talk a lot about suffering, and of course, how to get over it. We are finding, as we do interviews on the topic, that there are countless people suffering from a lot of pain, both physical and emotional. So in an attempt to continue the conversation and to shed more light on the keys to getting over all the pain, suffering and trials in your life with God’s help, I thought I’d post this new way of thinking about your pain.

I wrote the book on Mean, literally. So who would think that I could be a Mean Girl? Definitely not me. But it’s true, I’ve been mean, and not just once, but like time and again. How can I be so dumb? How can I teach, write and preach anti-meanness and then be so mean to people? My only answer is the only answer I give to everyone of my sins, and boy are there many, the answer to all of them is my pride.

I have a confession to make.

I don’t like to read.

I’m not making this up. I only like to read until I get the point and, oftentimes, that’s way before the writer has finished making his or hers. In my opinion, most books are far too long. It doesn’t help that I’m easily distracted. So the fact that I don’t like to read is reason #1 that I don’t review or endorse a lot of books.

Reason #2 is another indictment on my character.

I have never been enamored with celebrity. Maybe it’s my gambling background and the ability to see through people, but celebrity just isn’t my thing. In fact, being exposed to the christian side of celebrity, I could tell you stories about some of people’s favorite pastors/authors/speakers that would make your toes curl.

Donald Miller posted a sweet story about a list his Paige shared with him during their engagement. Here’s the list:

Hayley had a big week last week, speaking at the Unfading Beauty fashion show and then keynoting the mini-conference on Saturday. Reviews sounded great.

But this week, the ball is in my court as I travel to Texas to lead a church youth retreat near the Gulf, then speak to parents of teens at the church Sunday morning before preaching to the whole congregation. Phew! 

I counted dollars while God counted crosses,
I counted gains while He counted losses,
I counted my worth by the things gained in store
But He sized me up by the scars that I bore.
I coveted honors and sought for degrees,
He wept as He counted the hours on my knees;
I never knew until one day by the grave
How vain are the things that we spend life to save;
I did not yet know until my loved one went above
That richest is he who is rich in God’s love.

—The Brethren Evangelist

This is going into the new God Guy Bible, releasing next Spring:

For a God Guy, confidence is a requirement. Insecurity points to a weak faith, because security comes from what you know to be true about God, not about your strengths. When guys fear the future, when they resist faith and lose hope, they turn from the God they love and decide to live in a world of fear.

The first time I remember hearing the phrase, “preach the gospel to yourself” was from Jerry Bridges. He wrote a wonderful and convicting book called “Respectable Sins” that I highly recommend. The idea behind the phrase was a great one: that reminding ourselves of the good news that Christ came to save and justify sinners applies to our lives even after our conversion since we still sin.

But lately I’m starting feel like I’m getting overstuffed on the gospel. Preaching it to myself, pressing it into other brothers lives, others pressing it into me, marinating, etc. So here’s a gut check:

As believers, we are all called to live a life bent on spiritual perfection. “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”  (Mt 5:48) For a lot of us that seems like a daunting goal to keep in our sights. It can keep us striving for more holiness, and wanting to please God by keeping his commandments, but for others the need for perfection only stresses us out and makes feel like failures when we don’t get it right. The former leads to the healthy pursuit of God, but the latter is more characteristic of a self-obsessed and self-critical form of perfection that is usually called perfectionism.

You scare me. You know that? Yep, you people freak me out. I’m sure you don’t like me, or you think I’m goofy looking or that my clothes are weird. I’m a shy girl. I think everyone is potentially mean and I’m afraid of mean. Most of life I’ve been surrounded by mean girls. So I’ve learned to protect myself by avoidance. Hence, the shy thing.

You hear it all the time, especially in gospel-centered circles, people saying how wretched they are and how loved they are in spite of it. True and true. But when I hear me reminding myself over and over how wretched I am, seems a lot of attention is, well, on me.

There was a time when l loved my emotions, especially the bad ones. I found great pleasure in going home all alone, getting into a bath, lighting some candles, playing some really sad music, and crying. I would think of all the miserable stuff in my life—and believe me, I found plenty—and then cry about it. Ah, the healing power of a good cry! It was my favorite pastime, but unfortunately it was also one that was destroying me at the same time.  

Not many people know this, but instead of just twelve apostles that followed Jesus around, legend has it that there was a thirteenth named Kyle. Kyle was a dude who loved the ladies. In fact, some would say he was a tad obsessed. For instance, when Jesus fed the five thousand, the apostles were instructed to gather up all the leftovers. The Apostle Kyle used the opportunity to cruise the 5K for chicks. When the thirteen came together with all the scraps, Kyle told the others, “Hey, I met this Samaritan chica that I’m going to hang with. Tell Jesus I’ll catch up with y’all later.”

I recently got hate mail from a boy I knew in college. Ouch! He saw that I was a Christian author now and he was beside himself.   See, he knew me before, back in the day when I lived only for the moment and knew nothing about the power of God to save me from the tyranny of self. He and I were friends who started to think that maybe we wanted to be more than just friends, we dated a bit, but in the end both the friendship and any possibility of more were lost forever.

In a recent Rolling Stone interview, when Justin Bieber was asked about his opinion on abstinence, he said “I think you should just wait for the person you’re…in love with.”

It seems everyone has an opinion on love, but there are so many contradictions. How do you get to the truth?

“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits’” (1 Corinthians 15:33 NKJV).

Another way of saying it: one bad apple spoils the bunch.

In my book Sexy Girls, I wrote that God knows that we become like who we hang out with and we also make others think we already are like those we hang out with. If your believing friend isn’t being faithful, she is bringing you and your God down. This is serious business; it isn’t as easy as just saying, “Oh well, she’ll get better.”