Confessions of a Mean Girl

I wrote the book on Mean, literally. So who would think that I could be a Mean Girl? Definitely not me. But it’s true, I’ve been mean, and not just once, but like time and again. How can I be so dumb? How can I teach, write and preach anti-meanness and then be so mean to people? My only answer is the only answer I give to everyone of my sins, and boy are there many, the answer to all of them is my pride. Pride, I find, is the foundation of all my sins, all of them. Pride, my thoughts about myself, my wisdom, my feelings, my ideas, all drive me to sin in some way or other. And it’s no different with mean.

So here’s an example. My friend tells me about a book she’s excited about reading, and I make an ugly face. I hate the book. Think the author is a sham, and I show it. Not only do I show it, but rather than letting her be all excited about the things she’s learning and being inspired by in the book, I’m opening my big mouth and saying things about how bad the book is. As I say them I see her being deflated, instead of inspired and it’s as if the good me is trapped on the inside, and I can see my mean self saying things that don’t need to be said. I want to take them back, I want to just let her enjoy herself and feel inspired by telling me about the good stuff in the book, but no, I can’t get them back, I can’t even stop them going out. And BAM, I’m a Mean Girl, thinking more about making my point than letting a friend share her feelings. I do that a lot. I’m an expert. Ha! Proud is more like it. I study, I write, I know things. Ha! I know nothing, “if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” (1 Cor.13:2) Ugh. Where’s the love Hayley?

Love is patient, it’s kind, it isn’t proud! So how do I find love when pride permeates all I do? I have to kill my pride, humiliate it, embarrass it, and reveal it to others so that it can’t stay hidden and healthy. And so today I confess my pride that leads to mean. I confess that I don’t want to be mean, but pride flows out of my heart through my lips effortlessly. If I’ve said something that has hurt your feelings I confess my pride and ask your forgiveness. If I’ve been selfish and you’ve been the recipient I confess my sin, and ask you to remember the words of James 5:16 that tells us to “confess our sins to one another” and, here’s the good part, to “pray for one another, that you may be healed.” I covet your prayers, and I ask that if you wish to confess, here is the place. Confess your sins to one another and let us pray that you too may be healed.

Let us live our lives believing that God’s Word is not only true, but that living it makes it all make sense, gives it purpose and proves to the world that we are His disciples.

2 comments on “Confessions of a Mean Girl

  1. I am afraid you’ve hit the nail on the head. Lord forgive me. Perhaps it’s quite here because the Holy Spirit through you is convicting us of the exact confessions you just laid out. If not look again closely perhaps Pride has reared it’s ugly head in another form which says “at least I am not…”.

    Thanks Hayley for your transparency and challenging us to root out the many forms pride where ever it rears it’s head. If we can’t say Amen say Ouch!!! It’s the truth that we know that will set us free.

    Bless you for giving us truth in love.

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